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You know when you get a certain age you shouldn't be allowed to wear throwback jerseys. Throwbacks don't look good at the parent-teacher meetings.
When asked what a blog was:
 
No, I just know it has something to do with the internet. I don't do the internet. Anybody that sits and plays on the computer just has no life.
Man, there's nothing in the world that makes me as nervous as seeing white people dance.
Golf is, by far and away, the most racist sport in the world.
Don't piss the big guy off.
I've had a lot of lawyers in my life, but I was always found not guilty.
You don't call it the Big East anymore. You call it the Itty Bitty East.
— During the 2011 NCAA Tournament
 
I'm going to the seminar, another wasted day of my damn life going to the seminar. I hate them seminars.
Listen Kareem, you know I got respect and love for you, but don't make me just jump on you and beat you down.
— After Kareem Abdul-Jabbar insulted his golf game
 
I suck, but I have fun.