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I always laugh at that statement, 'You didn't get a ring'. I'm like, 'Dude, you work at McDonald's. My life's a lot better than yours. You relax.'
I'm trying to calm down. I'm not skinny enough right now get mad right now [mumbling] have a heart attack or anything.
— Upset after learning the names of the 2011 NBA All-Star reserves
 
When you blow a big lead you have to do two things wrong: not score and not stop the other team.
They talk about Champagne and Mercedes Benz, but Dirk is the greatest European import ever.
I’m joking but I’m serious.
On his relationship with Shaquille O'Neal after their on-court fight:
 
The only thing that was hard about it was explaining to our moms why we got into it.
Vegas is always dicey for me, because I can lose a small fortune.
— During an appearance on the Dan Patrick Show
 
I don't trust vegetarians. I don't trust people who don't gamble.
On Tiger Woods' personal problems:
 
We had no idea any of the crap that was goin' on.
If you can do anything left-handed, you're my hero.